What is a Non-Resume?

Molten-Hot Sugarwater From a Skybucket… and Other Not Boring Copy

As long as we’re participating in The Great Resignation, learning what solidarity is, and proving that working from home is, for many folks, *more* productive… can we also please chuck the standard boring resume over the fence too?

I needed to build a LinkedIn profile for my copywriting business. It has all these resume-like sections so I started cutting and pasting from my old resume.

And I almost fell asleep.

IT. WAS. SO. BORING.

So I started having fun. 

I mean, it’s my profile, I’m the one I answer to, so why not? Why not put *personality* into resumes? Maybe write a… non-resume?  Use my unique editing skills for myself this time. Add some irreverence to the endless stream of important minutiae.

Here’s my cheeky ABOUT section:

“At present? I'm the proud owner of Brightside Creative Space, a woman-owned business offering stellar copywriting, editing, proofreading, and blogging in the Mental Health + Resilience space.

In my previous lives? 

I've been a client-centered behavioral health counselor, an internationally certified work ethics instructor, a calm and cool (mostly) customer service agent for a regional airline, a historic mansion restorer, and an unexpected design business owner specializing in vintage swank, upcycling junk, and turning rubbish into art. That's a lot, I forgot how much I've lived. No wonder I need retin-A in my skincare regimen.”

Now isn’t that so much better than what you were expecting?

You got the information you needed, plus a complaint about my sun damage. Win/Win.

And you had the privilege of seeing the word “swank” brought back into the rotation. 

You’re welcome.

Here’s my impertinent job description of working for a regional airline in a small community:

“I checked passengers in, pretended that the famous ones were just regular people, verified identity, handled baggage, boarded passengers, handled unruly intoxicated passengers, drove the jet bridge, marshaled aircraft in and out, loaded and unloaded cargo, de-iced aircraft with a molten-hot sugarwater-gun from a huge skybucket, searched aircraft overnight for security breaches, handled cancellations and rebookings, channeled Leslie Knope when needed, and generally became a favorite with passengers, earning countless rave reviews. Except maybe from the ones who were unruly and intoxicated. It was basically like being a rockstar, but in Hooterville.”

Wouldn’t you like to know if your current copywriter can handle intense situations? 

Ok, that one was exhausting to read. Maybe there is such a thing as TMI here.

Have I ever owned my own business before, you ask? 

(I know, not the best transition, but we’ve already established that we’re not shooting for perfection here, we’re shooting for authenticity.)

Have I ever taken something mediocre, or damaged, or just plain ugly, and turned it into something magnificent? 

*you get that I’m comparing junk to bad copy here, right?*

Why yes… yes I have. I found myself between positions and decided to make my upcycling hobby support me for a few years. I bought (or scavenged) junk, “edited” it, sometimes took it apart and put it back together differently, polished it up, and voila! Stellar copy! I mean, not junk anymore!

Here’s the LinkedIn description of my DIY business:

“This was a hobby that eventually became a career for a time. I am not skilled at creating art out of nothing, but I can edit junk into... well, not junk. I repurposed old furniture, upcycled old light fixtures, and made irreverent and slightly vulgar signage out of discarded rubbish. I discovered a love of vintage everything. I restored and remodeled a brick mansion built in 1884, knocked down walls, painted Eastlake Victorian gingerbread trim on the third-floor exterior from a rickety (and likely unsafe) scissor lift while blasting Lizzo, and I redesigned and tiled upscale spa-like bathrooms. These projects were my dream and my nightmare. And we had bats.”

BATS…?

Yeah… bats. You haven’t lived until you’ve been awakened at 3am by bats zooming 2 feet above your face trying to find a way out of your bedroom. I mean, not my worst Tuesday night, but still.

What about being a counselor? Didn’t you use to be an addictions therapist? Yep:

“My third and final addictions therapist position. I specialized in co-occurring disorders, providing assessments, treatment planning, group and individual therapy, and community mentoring. My favorites to work with were stubborn, infuriating, adolescents who had never been taught boundaries and women who did not yet know their worth. They did when I finished with them. It was rewarding and challenging work, to say the least. I intended to take a short hiatus but it turned into forever. I do miss those kids. It’s amazing how capable they can become when someone just believes in them.”

Helping a kid who thinks he’s beyond help slowly realize how far he’s come? Priceless.

I loved these times and loathed these times. I wish I’d have had the support then that I teach and offer my clients now. Maybe I’d still be there…

But Michelle, do you have any experience working remotely?

I do! I did, 23 years ago, in Nebraska:

“While endeavoring to be the best stay-at-home mom I could be, I also operated a *very* part-time travel agency from a yellow vinyl beanbag chair on the floor of my daughters' playroom. I mostly booked vacations and a few business trips for friends and family, but at least I didn't have to wear pants every day. Steve from Blue's Clues couldn't see me because Zoom hadn't been invented yet and he was the only other adult around all day.”

I did camera-free non-verbal only-written Zoom meetings before Zoom existed.

Ok… they were emails. It was all done by emails.

Not all of the sections are irreverent. Some are professional… well at least until the end. I have to stay consistent with my messaging style here, don’t I? It’s called fashion, look it up.

For example, my almost-normal EXPERIENCE/JOB description of what I currently do:

“What do I offer? Stellar copywriting services from a fun yet professional source. My specialties are: engaging (and often quirky) blogs with SEO that brings you to the top of the Google search, product descriptions that sell your life-changing products to the people who need them, and landing pages that show your customers how valuable your offers are. All of this is done in your voice, using (and improving on) your branding, with authenticity and integrity.

My preferred niche is Mental Health and Resilience but I'm open to other types of copy upon review. Integrity and transparency are a must for me to work with anyone. I like to use my skills for good and not evil. Go me!”

If you want authenticity, genuineness, wicked copy skills, and a sense of humor, go ahead and click on one of the 27 “BOOK A DISCOVERY CALL” buttons on my website and let’s find out if we’re a good fit.

Go ahead and #embracethemaybe.

Go US!